Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize