Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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