why didn't you poke me back
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
