mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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