i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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