Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
