It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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