I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
