We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
