thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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