she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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