just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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