i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
