I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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