we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
