A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This is the high leading the old right now
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
