I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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