i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
