Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
