He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
