Me too!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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