when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
