He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
There's always time for handjobs
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
