I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
