So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
