Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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