So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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