In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
