Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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