I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
