how can u be prego again
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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