Just cropdusted the office
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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