we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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