don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
