What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
