the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
