I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize