im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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