i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
