Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
