he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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