she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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