Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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