My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
