I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
