I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
