Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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