i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
