Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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