there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
