You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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