Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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