Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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