i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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