While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
it's like iHOP with fire
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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