How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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