We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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