Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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