I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
