im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
