dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I skipped work to stalk him.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
