i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize