Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
