...so i touched it.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
