upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
