Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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