What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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