He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
