eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
