I need help removing her.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
