please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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