normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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