the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
