Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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