Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize