just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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