dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
