Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize