when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
