And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
