his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
