I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
