i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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