Dual....:-)
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
