awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
