so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
