i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
