I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
