God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
