Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
