Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
