That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
