i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
