K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I came so hard my ears popped.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
