I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize