I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
