i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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