Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
